I've had the tests I've seen the doc, there's nothing wrong with me
He's checked me out, and wired me up, I am as fit as I can be
The barium enema was not good, uncomfortable is the word
But now I'm cleared, I feel quite good, the worry seems absurd.
Blood pressure at one thirty seven over fifty I'm told is normal
Cholesterol is down on last year, nothing there abnormal
It's not a problem cutting out eggs and bacon and butter
If I played golf I'd have to practice with the putter.
But since I am a lazy beggar, relaxing all the time
I'll have to find a way to exercise without resourcing to crime
I'm told that anti-oxidants for heart and lunges are good
So red wine by the gallon works, so I'm understood.
My doctor tells me nicely that I'm fit as fit can be
And if I cut out smoking and drinking I can be
A really long liver, a hundred if I want
Now wouldn't that be silly, such a little jaunt.
I'm going to be two hundred, and loving every minute
The longest living person since the bible began, i'nit
I'll outlast everyone I know, I'm invincible, I'm strong
And I'll tell it to everybody in a strident song.